ASB's Eco-Warrior is our most experienced striker. Good in the air with a fantastic first touch, he plays like Paul Furlong but looks like Hernan Crespo. Despite repeated requests by the management team to move back to West London he still lives Saarf of the river, ensuring he can never get a cab home after dark. Jools also has a tendancy to do crunches in training that would make a gay man look butch.